Q: How many Californians
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eleven. One to change the bulb and ten to share the experience.
Q: How many psychiatrists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
Q: How many software
engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's a hardware problem.
Q: How many hardware
engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tell software to code around it.
Q: How many car
mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Light bulb! Light bulb? What makes you think that it's just
a light bulb malfunction? It could be your whole electrical system!
You better leave your car here for a weak.
Contributed
by John Fogelsong
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to screw it in and three to write the environmental-impact
statement.
Q: How many bureaucrats
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while
the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Q: How many KGB
agents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to check for bugs.
Q: How many Zen
masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Two. One to do it and one not to.
A2: Zen Masters don't need light bulbs because they carry their
own light with them.
A3: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.
Q: How many magicians
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.
Q: How many existentialists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and observe how the lightbulb itself
symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality
in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin
cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many jugglers
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many programmers
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Q: How many social
scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause
as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many Harvard
students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
Q: How many graduate
students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to
do it.
Q: How many managers
does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it
usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
A2: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number
of one of their subordinates to actually change it.
Q: How many Russian
leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light
bulbs.
Q: How many union
members does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Are you kidding?
A2: 50.
Q2: Why 50?
A3: It's in the contract.
Q: How many company
biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four; one to write the proposal, one to design the bulb-changer,
one to design the bulb-fetcher, and one to design the bulb.
Q: How many freelance
biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the
old one and screw itself in.
Q: How many terrorists
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and another
to claim responsibility in phone call to the news media.
Q: How many supply-siders
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many supply-side
economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would
screw itself in.
Q: How many valley
girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oooh, like manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! Fer shure!
Q: How many psychologists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
A2: None. The bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many Real
Men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many 'Real
Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around
to do it.
Q: How many Maoists
does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "fight
darkness."
Q: How many IBM
PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb
adaptor card first, which is extra.
Q: How many IBM
engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb"
is a feature.
Q: How many shaggy
dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
Q: How many survivors
of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. People who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Q: How many professors
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many people
from Sicily does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness,
and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many lawyers
does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: How many can you afford?
A2: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one
to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate
a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards,
one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one
to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to
bill for professional services.
Q: How many board
meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is
incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be
continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many junkies
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
Q: How many consultants
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many technical
writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain
how to do it.
Q: How many Vulcans
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000"
Q: How many actors
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many mystery
writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to
give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many dull
people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: one.
Q: How many folk
singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about
how good the old one was.
Q: How many military
information officers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the
best interests of military strategy to divulge information of
such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
Q: How many socialists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to
establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to
force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and
one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American
light bulb.
Q: How many environmentalists
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If the light bulb is out, that's the way Nature intended it!
Q: How many lawyers
does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in
a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following
agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as
"The Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also
known as "The Light Bulb," do hereby and forthwith
agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result
of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the
lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area
ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating
at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by
the beginning of the carpet, any spill-over illumination being
at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and
not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not
be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step-stool, ladder
or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being
non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the
second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of
the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party
of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity
of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding
the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon
duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties
stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure
to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer)
shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as
this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional
codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first
part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer)
shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second
part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable
state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party
of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light
Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent
with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this
self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation
should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being
non- negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option
of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the
first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and
all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to
produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of
the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization
of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also
known as "The Firm".
Q: How many frat
guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: Five. One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until
the room spins.
A2: Three. One to screw it in, and the other two to help him
down off the keg.
From
http://www.spd.eee.strath.ac.uk/~harve/light_bulb_jokes.html
Q: How many Menlo
students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: --- Send
us your
answer and we might post it.
